Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
