He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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