Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
