I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
