well I can't set my house on fire every night
Say something about gay babies.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
