Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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