Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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