I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
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