...so i touched it.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I think my moral compass just broke
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
