Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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