Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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