It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
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woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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