i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
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Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
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Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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