Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
