Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
