Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
