good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
