He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
