he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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