the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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