By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
