Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
