the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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