my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
