I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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