I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
His nipple licking is glorious
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