The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
