I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
