Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
