He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
