when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
