My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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