Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize