i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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