It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
