I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
