Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
