And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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