Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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