Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs