I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.