actually, I'm a sock model
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert