week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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