Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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