At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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