Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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