Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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