His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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