dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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