okay pat passed out under dana's car
oh god the rape fog is back!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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