You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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