"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My pussy is not your playground.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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