Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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