Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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