i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
