If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
