Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
