I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
