can u get pink eye on your cock?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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