Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
