I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
