I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
