i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize