somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
