I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
