I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
